Skin Deep Fashion

Dear Mum,

The late night library sessions as a student have taken their toll; squinting at obscure footnotes in dusty tomes; nose buried in Dickens, unperturbed by the lack of light on an evening’s train platform.

I need glasses.

Choosing my frames was utterly overwhelming but fortunately geek chic is ‘in.’ I settled for a pair of rectangular, thick tortoiseshell frames, though part of me wanted to go for a pair of immense black rimmed frames, worthy of Melanie Griffiths in ‘Working Girl.’

Today it’s fashionable to be a geek, which is most fortunate for me – a geek through and through. But when I was at Primary School, anyone with glasses was ridiculed by school bullies.

Clearly, fashion is fickle. What we all model one day can be ‘so yesterday’ the next. Friday saw the dawn of London Fashion Week. Consequently we’re all being informed of ‘what’s hot’ and ‘what’s not’ in the media.

The ensembles that are strutted down catwalks are, on the whole, laughable. If newspapers and magazines feature highlights from fashion shows I’m loathe to imagine what else was paraded on those poor models.

Swamped in fabrics, clashing colours and prints, buckles and chains draped at all angles, hair backcombed and hairsprayed into an ozone-breaking helmet.

The Evening Standard, for example, today referred to Peter Pilotto’s creations.

I can accept the nipped in waist and flared skirt as a trendy style. But inspired by “‘Japanese fetishised vehicles adorned with thousands of lights’”?

Really, Peter? Because the last Tesco truck I saw did not wet my fashion appetite in a Scarlett O’Hara “I saw it in the window and couldn’t resist” way.

Indeed, a few pages later, it was reported Vivienne Westwood has questioned her own styles, admitting she doesn’t like all her clothing creations. If the world’s most famous fashion designer is questioning her designs, then the fashion world has definitely lost its way.

It’s no wonder models all look miserable as they skulk down the catwalk. And how does this practice show the practicalities of these ensembles? For once, I’d like to see these fashions be put to a genuine test; let’s see the clothed models walk through a revolving door, or empty the dishwasher, or manhandle their ensembles onto a rush hour tube.

Which brings me to high heels. I admire any woman who goes shopping in a pair of court shoes. I bow to their resilience and strong calf muscles.

Indeed, I love a pair of heels and though I wear them to the office, or on a night or lunch out, I always arm myself with boots or pumps for the journey.

But I struggle with what my Godmother calls ‘bondage shoes’ – the great big whopping monstrosities with a platform at the front and five inch heels, which make the wearer look like their training to be a circus stilts performer.

These wearers look like pillocks. They look like ever step is a huge effort (which I don’t doubt it is) and these shoes simply can’t be good for the pins.

It was announced on Friday that UK model agencies were banning the use of sunbeds by their models, as part of Cancer Research’s R UV UGLY? Campaign.

It’s fantastic news that this has been introduced. I naively never really thought about how models gained the sunkissed look. But how has such an obviously sensible and necessary policy only just been introduced in 2012? It also seems very naive of the fashion industry.

Fashion is arguably the most frivolous and superfluous industry.  It therefore seems perverse that models’ health should be jeopardised, all for a ‘feel good’ dress.

The last few years has seen various campaigns to curb the number of stick thin models in fashion adverts and women’s magazines, which consciously or unconsciously encourage young women to look the same.

I think it’s time a similar campaign was established in magazines to discourage the use of sunbeds and extended exposure to sunlight.

As stated, today pretty much anything goes in fashion, including geeky glasses and, indeed, un-sun-kissed skin.  I would, therefore, like to see very healthy, very human looks on the catwalk.

This human and healthy look also includes banning David Beckham’s unforgiving scanties being advertised on carrier bags. I feel a colossal wally swinging this by my side. And it does nothing for onlookers’ confidence as no-one other than Becks can carry off that number of tattoos.

Besides, clad in just that, you’ll catch a cold David.