A Whole New World (at 22 Years)

Dear Mum,

It is appropriate that this is my 50^th blog as I am one year older. 22 years ago you clutched a babe to your exhausted and tender body, wondering what sort of a person you had brought into the world.

As a child I thought that when I was in my 20’s I’d be cool and wise but, alas, I am neither of those things. This was made particularly clear when meeting up with old school friends. Sitting around the table, comparing notes on our prospective futures, one girl said “It’s weird to think we’re all settling down.”

Come again? ‘Settling down’? I’ve NO IDEA what I’m doing in life – I’m so far from settling down, I’m still pacing the floor, stirring up dust with my curious pacing and stumbling over lose floorboards.

As a child I thought that come 22 I’d have a fiancé, a house and a career. I don’t think I was alone in anticipating this fate. From what I gather, other young men and (particularly) women thought their futures featured similar details.

Where do we get these ideas from?

Walt Disney certainly has a lot to answer for. Snow White and Co. feature heavily in my childhood memories. The posse of slim, big eyed and soft voiced heroines taught me that if you are good and kind then, one day, your prince will come and carry you off to a rent-free castle, and you will ride on a gentle steed that does not need to be insured thanks to the innocent and safe world of Disney.

This is not, actually, a fate I would choose. The Disney princesses are simple folk (I doubt any of them read Tess of the d’Urbervilles and thought “Jesus! That Alec is a son of a bitch”). And, without question, they led excruciatingly dull lives after their wedding nuptials.

Besides which, birds resting on my shoulders and encouraging me in a sing-song to the furniture simply doesn’t butter my crumpet.

But the films are misleading. They encourage you to expect certain qualities in those of the opposite sex.

Such as chivalry, a quality I actually think is better dead and festering. I don’t need a man to trail after me, serenading me in a woodland scene, concerned if I so much as trip over a toadstall. Thoughtful, but a little patronising and very claustrophobic.

No, chivalry is best dead but kindness and manners – there’s something we need more of, and not just in menfolk. But that’s a whole other blog...

It’s not just the romantic plots. Disney films lead a child to believe good always conquers evil and that wealth and happiness is as easy to achieve as a urinary infection, and less painful.

And not that I blame you, Mum, but you and Dad raised me with the ethos that, if you work hard, you can achieve just about anything. I’ve worked hard and where am I? Strapped for cash, unemployed, a statistic read in the newspaper.

This is not what my lifeplan included when I mapped it out as a six year old. Death did not punctuate my existence as it does today (we don’t see Belle drink herself into a stupor to numb the pain of being without a mother), ‘debt’ was not in my vocabulary (I’d like to see Cinderella on the phone to her bank discussing Cash ISA interest rates) and I was not familiar with that feeling of exhaustion and disbelief which accompanies a ringing alarm clock in the morning (Sleeping Beauty doesn’t know how lucky she’s got it).

So 22 years is not what I envisaged. I am not ‘settling down’. I’ve barely paused to lower myself into the sofa of life. But should I be? I’m only 22 years old. Four years ago, I bought my first glass of wine at a bar, three years ago I passed my driving test and nine months ago I entered a whole new world called ‘The Real World’.

So I don’t really want to settle down - because I’m simply not old enough or mature enough.

Yes, I’d like a career and a sense of stability but I’m feeling pretty content all the same. I don’t want to be cool or wise. I just want a slice of birthday cake.